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The account pinged instantly about the internet—friends texted me and so abounding bodies I apperceive Tweeted out their sudden, wrenching, and hasty grief. Designer Kate Spade is dead.

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Her afterlife is an burning admonition (as if we bare one) that alike acknowledged bodies can suffer, that a ancestors is burst now afterwards its wife and mother. And for abounding the accident feels personal—her designs were such an integral, affecting allotment of women’s lives.

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My Kate Spade nylon bag was my actual aboriginal appearance adulation affair. I scrimped and adored for it—not aloof an accessory, but a attribute of growing and acceptable myself in the big city.

My nylon Kate Spade bag was added than an accessory—it was a attribute of growing and acceptable myself in the big city.

I confused to New York Burghal two weeks afore the aboriginal adventure of Accompany aired, in September 1994, and the exoteric of the show’s accommodation architecture was filmed aloof a few blocks from the crumbling West Village accommodation area my attached and I watched the pilot episode.

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Unlike the show’s spacious, shabby-chic apartment, ours was so awkward that my accompanying bed affected my bedchamber walls on three abandon and a divot had been fabricated in the bath bank to clasp in the toilet tank. But the show’s use of fashion, still a pop ability attraction 22 years later, to acquaint appetite to accomplish it in a big city? That I did accept in accepted with Monica and Rachel. My aboriginal years afterwards academy were the aboriginal time that clothes became a way to accurate myself—not aloof who I was, but who I hoped to be.

Having abounding boarding academy and academy during one of the few times in history aback women were absolutely encouraged to dress comfortably, I spent the backward 80s and aboriginal 90s blame about in button fly jeans, nubby absolute crewnecks, Patagonia bleed pullovers, and bucks. My folklore abettor alleged my academy admirer and me “The Bobbsey Twins” because we dressed identically. But in the city, in the mid-90s, in my mid-20s? Androgynous preppy didn’t cut it anymore.

As a writerly blazon in a time afore that was a cyberbanking afterlife sentence, I temped while interning at assorted magazines, eventually landing an beat abettor job. This acreage was no mistake. Although my adjacency had some aftermost actual specks of grit, I accede that I was allotment of that time and place’s amusing flashpoint, a new arrival of bodies fatigued to New York because they capital to be insiders, instead of those who’d consistently approved it out because they were outsiders.

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Still, with my new job, I was a peon—the everyman on the totem pole, at the allure and alarm of four ambitious bosses, alive backward nights and every weekend for $23,000 a year (plus overtime!). But those years were a blood-tingling mix of boring at a new apple and appetite to feel like a allotment of it. I rode elevators with Anna Wintour, abounding adorableness artefact launches at the Box Tree, and was arrive by a arranger to see Savion Glover in Bring in da Noise, Bring in da Funk (the Hamilton of its time).

Outside of work, my accompany and I advised the newly-launched Time Out New York, athirst for whatever adventures we could allow in our new hometown. We sat abutting to Kate Moss or Rupert Everett at the tiny French café two doors bottomward from our apartment, went to apprehend Michael Chabon apprehend from Wonder Boys at the Housing Works Bookstore Café, and saw Mark Ruffalo accomplish in This Is Our Youth in a tiny theater.

I plunked bottomward my acclaim agenda for that atramentous rectangle, and it acquainted like my official Manhattan associates card.

I began to apprehend that clothes were a calling card, both the denim overalls, Pumas, and abundant atramentous glasses I wore to roof parties in the East Village and the pleated mini-skirts and high-heel Mary Janes I wore to work. Like abounding burghal newcomers, I fabricated missteps, like cerebration it was abundant to abrasion arch to toe black. I accomplished my aberration aback one of my co-workers at the annual teasingly asked if I was activity to a funeral.

It was again that I set my architect on my Kate Spade bag. I dreamed about and advised for mine, demography the alms flush to aberrate the accessories administration at Saks. I spent adorable hours debating whether I would get the gold-standard atramentous nylon rectangle with continued straps and a stitched-on label, or adventure into bolder area of a agent bag or a midnight dejected color.

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I can’t enlarge the accent of this bag to me: The air-conditioned appearance girls at assignment had them. My bang-up had one. Though the accoutrements were hardly big-ticket by today’s standards, they weren’t bargain either and affairs one acquainted like a risk. My accompany who’d gone into cyberbanking and fabricated absolute money had them. I assuredly adored abundant to accomplish the purchase.

I plunked bottomward my acclaim agenda for that atramentous rectangle, and it acquainted like my official Manhattan associates card. I didn’t aloof backpack it, I congenital looks about it. It conveyed to anybody about me: This babe belongs here.

A few years ago, aback I acquaint about my memories of that bag on Instagram, the comments caked in. “When I got my aboriginal job, I got one and it was SUCH a big deal,” said Alyssa Hertzig, again an analyst at Target’s accumulated offices, now a longtime adorableness editor and blogger at The Sparkly Life. “That bag was EVERYTHING to me in 1998,” said Victoria Kirby, again an abettor client at New York & Company and now a adorableness editor. Elizabeth Angell, again an beat abettor at Newsweek annual and now agenda administrator of this actual website, wrote, “I had the agent bag and it was a affiliated account for me.”

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Why that bag, why that time? I asked above accessory (and appearance and pop ability encyclopedia) Sasha Charnin Morrison, columnist of Secrets of Stylists and a artistic consultant. “This was the era of minimalist Prada, Helmut Lang, Jil Sander, and Calvin Klein,” she says. “Kate Spade didn’t copy, but she gave her accoutrements a actual audible characterization in the Prada style, additional a actual preppy aberration with the boxlike shape. Anybody capital one. Getting one was a big deal, and we all had them.” (Sasha’s was bean-shaped and beige.)

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I lived in that Friends-adjacent architecture for 13 years, and although I’m affiliated and active in the suburbs now, a airing bottomward that block is abundant to carriage me aback to that time of my life. (And I consistently analysis to see if my name is still on the buzzer—as of a year ago, it was.) My Kate Spade bag got achromatic and beat about its aciculate corners, and I eventually added it to my Goodwill donation pile. I ambition I had kept it.

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